Someone took better pictures than I did at the Harry and the Potters concert the other day.

This is part four (part one, part two, part three) in my ongoing investigation into people online who have the same name as I do, but who are not, in fact, me. I will look at them and then consider what my life would be like if I were them. Here’s our fourth participant:

He’s the one on the left. This guy is a mechanical engineering student at Lafayette College in Easton, PA, but he’s originally from Mendham, NJ (thankfully, unlike my past featured individuals, this one did not move from New York to Los Angeles). In fact, he graduates in “‘07″ so he’s probably already finished. I wonder if he has a high-paying, engineering job all lined up? I don’t think engineering ever could have been for me… I know it’s not related, but I could never cut straight lines in wood or measure things properly; this lack of important attributes would likely not have faired well in the world of professional engineering.

But wait! Not only is he an engineer, but he’s put his engineering talents to use assisting in the creation and installation of somewhat strange pieces of art. They glow!

So, how would I feel if I were him? He’s just graduating college, which could be terrifying or exciting. He’s got an actual useful degree, which I did not have, so he probably already has a job lined up. This obviously helps. I had no idea of what to do with myself at that point, and it wasn’t really a great plan on my part. I ended up doing some interesting things, though, so maybe the uncertainty and chaos are good? Judgement call.

He’s in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. I’m not the biggest fans of Pennsylvania or New Jersey, so I’ve got that on him.

He’s doing some weird art installations. That’s interesting. It probably breaks up his day nicely.

Eh, all in all, I think I’m going to stick with myself for now. I’m still waiting to find that awesome person with my name that I would be so enarmoured of that I’d have to switch with him. I guess the comedian still stands the closest.

Yesterday I stopped by a Taco Bell in Los Angeles in which the staff was entirely encased in bank style anti-theft glass. I will not be going back.

While that safety glass presumably protects the staff (and, I suppose, the customers since thieves are less likely to target this particular establishment), it also ghettoizes the store. The safety glass’s assumption that a criminal element will be patronizing this store is a self fulfilling prophesy: As a non-criminal customer, I don’t like to be in a store that (a) has an apparently high risk of being robbed, and (b) treats me like a criminal. I assume I’m not alone in this feeling. The only people who won’t mind being treated like criminals, are, unsurprisingly, criminals.

By treating your customers like criminals, your customers will be criminals.

We’re gonna need a bigger boat. Kevin Smith in line for an iPhone.

Google Maps recently added a feature to dynamically change a suggested route by dragging the route to where you’d like it to lie. It works great! This is a significant improvement. Go ahead, try dragging this national route. It works better on smaller routes, but it’s more impressive nationally.

Can someone explain to me why demonstrating that you can identify a gay person by the way that they walk would give any insight into whether homosexuality is innate or acquired? Why would a gay gait not be just as acquirable as a gay style of dress, or a gay manner of speaking?

I went to see Harry and the Potters play outside the Los Angeles public library yesterday evening. With the possible exception of Corn Mo, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a crowd have a better time at a public event then do crowds at Harry and the Potters concerts. The highlight of the whole affair was when a bus stopped at a red light next to the concert with an ad for the upcoming Harry Potter movie; everyone cheered while the passengers stared at the crowd… confused. It was pretty funny.

I took some pictures, but they didn’t all make it online. They’re mediocre anyway. this one’s probably the best:

I also took a few videos, here’s one of the band opening the show with Voldemort Can’t Stop the Rock:

In World War Two, Germany was referred to, internally, as the Fatherland. Russia was referred to, internally, as the Motherland. If this is just some translation glitch or accident of historical memory, then ignore the remainder of this post.

After seeing CrazyMonk’s post about the ten tallest monuments, I’ve been thinking about the two sculptures referred to as “Motherland” and “The Motherland,” both located inside the borders of the old Soviet Union. I’ve been wondering about the etymology of the words Motherland and Fatherland. Here’s my guess as to where they came from, based on nothing but my impression of other people’s perceptions of gender:

Soviet Russia was theoretically based on a communist system. Communist systems (prior to the phase where the state becomes unnecessary and fades away) are based on the underlying philosophy that the state will take care of the people. The state will tend to the needs of the downtrodden workers in a way that a capitalism regime will not and can not. Traditional depictions of motherhood mirror this philosophy. The mother is a caretaker and a nurturer.

Nazi Germany was a fascist state, based on the underlying philosophy that society requires order and rigidity. The state will tell the people what to do and when to do it, the people’s responsibility is to follow the orders of those in charge. Traditional depictions of a law-giving father mirror this philosophy. The father is the stern rule maker in the family who will provide what the family requires but in exchange expects his dictates to be observed.

Is it possible that these traditional understandings of gender were what caused Germany to depict the state as a father while Russia depicted the state as a mother? Do these traditional gender perceptions even apply in Germany and Russia circa World War Two? Hitler apparently referred to Germany as the Motherland; does that matter?

I’m apparently not the only one thinking about this. Is there an actual answer out there?

Am I the only one who can’t help going through this thought process every time I see the License to Wed poster?

I think the designer was intentionally going for the reproductive system silhouette. I like the idea of Mandy Moore being an ovary, while either John Krasinski, or possibly the headboard, is a Fallopian Tube.

UPDATE: Shockingly I’m not the only one who noticed this.

The Daily Mail ran a story a few days ago about a 2 year-old named Georgia Brown with an IQ of 152.

Setting aside the questionable choice of publishing the child’s name, picture and IQ in a national newspaper, the Daily Mail also made the point that her IQ “puts her in the same intellectual league, proportionate to her age, as physicist Stephen Hawking.” The idea of comparing children to adults based on IQ tests is somewhat ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as the chart that the Daily Mail attached to the story:

I guess they gave him some leeway on “count,” “use,” and “explain” (with the aid of a computer?) but the rest of it is just awful.

Does anybody really think that a 2 year-old is smarter than Stephen Hawking because she can “dance ballet” or “sing”?

Over the years I’ve read the bulk of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels. If you haven’t read them, they’re often described as falling into the genre of “fantasy,” but in fact merely use some fantasy conventions to chide both fantasy and the real world in a way that’s both very funny, and very British. They’re enjoyable and very easy to read… if you like that sort of thing.

I have always questioned the fact that no movies have been made from the books. I understand that they do reasonably well (the upcoming novel is ranked 3,000 at Amazon, fairly high though admittedly not chart-topping), and the series has something like 30 books in it. If you could get people excited about watching movies based in this world, you’d have a huge back-catalogue to work from. One book in particular, Hogfather, seemed at the time to be quite cinematic. It tells the story of a Santa Clause-like character who has been at least temporarily knocked out of the game by an exceedingly outside-the-box thinking assassin. For a somewhat murky reason, if there is no Hogfather, human existence will be blotted out. To prevent this, Death steps up to fill the role by donning a fake beard, a red cloak, and a pillow strapped to his stomach while Death’s granddaughter is on a mission to save the Hogfather which entails a large amount of time spent in the Tooth Fairy’s castle.

Well, much to my surprise, I recently discovered that somebody actually did make a movie out of the book. Sky One, a British satellite TV channel produced two 1.5 hour episodes which aired right around Christmas. I recently watched them and was fairly disappointed with the result. Here are a few pictures:

There were a few shining moments, but a ghastly portion of the three hours took place inside the Tooth Fairy’s Castle, and pretty much every moment of that was utterly dull. Also, the ambitious assassin was more whiny and wheedling than ominous. A direction choice I suppose. Still, it detracted from the story. Death, predictably, was pretty good.

It’s sad to see something that you like as a book made into a bad movie. It’s the catastrophe of Sphere all over again.

Pratchett, on a related note, also co-wrote the almost excellent Good Omens with the ever popular Neil Gaiman; that book was so close to being great but something in the story just didn’t quite pull together for me. Another disappointment. It’s time for a piece of entertainment to really step up and be fully, wonderfully, engrossingly good. I’m waiting.

On the East Coast, when I order a Cold Cut Trio at Subway, they cut the bread open and fold it back so the interior lays flat and is twice the width of the bread. They then place the meat flat along this surface, put the cheese, lettuce and whatnot on top of the meat and then fold it so the sandwich is, from top to bottom, bread, meat, stuff, meat, bread. (At least, that’s what I remember.)

On the West Coast, when they place the meat inside the sandwich, they don’t lay it flat but instead fold it once, so the meat is twice as thick, and then lay the other toppings on top of the meat. The sandwich, from top to bottom, is bread, stuff, meat, bread (with the meat being double-thick).

I think I prefer the East Coast subway style. The meat on the West Coast just seems too thick.

Did I just imagine that they make the sandwiches differently?

IMDB has something called a STARmeter which I can’t understand. It tells you where an individual stands in relation to where they stood a week ago with a change based on percentages. Percentages of what you ask? It’s sort of unclear. Nonetheless, ever since I appeared on IMDB, I’ve enjoyed watching my STARmeter rating rise and fall. I’m going to start tracking it publicly, along with everyone else who I know personally on IMDB:

• ME: -58%
• CrazyMonk’s Brother: +155%
• New Yorker: +49%
• Guy Who Pushed Me Once In College: 0%

I’m the big loser.

Magic Eye Tetris via Game|Life.

It’s a sailboat.

I knew there was more to that story.

According to Ramos’ complaint, she was admitted to the Hospital on January 16, 1995, to undergo surgery to remove a nonmalignant mole over her right eyebrow. The surgeon, Dr. Nazarian, applied an electrocautery tool to remove the mole. As the tool was used, it ignited the mixed oxygen used to anesthetize Ramos, resulting in severe third degree burns, so far requiring four skin grafts. Dr. Nazarian’s records showed that the cautery equipment failed.

Temple Community Hospital v. Superior Court of Los Angeles County, 51 Cal. Rptr. 2d 57 (Cal. Ct. App. 1996).

The complaint alleges that David Cohen and Eleanor Coop were brother and sister, respectively, of Sylvia Herman who died on April 24, 1961; that defendants took physical possession of her body for the purpose of preparing it for burial and conducting a funeral service; that on April 27, 1961, defendants negligently conducted the funeral service by wrongfully substituting the body of another in her place; that at the conclusion of the service they viewed the same, the direct and proximate result of which was shock and mental anguish which caused damages to each in the sum of $ 50,000.

Cohen v. Groman Mortuary, Inc., 41 Cal. Rptr. 481 (Cal. Ct. App. 1964).

I have a friend who camped out in front of a closed down Tower Records for 14 hours to get tickets to see a private White Stripes show for 200 people in the Tower Record husk. I stopped by and took a look at the line. Lines are pretty funny:

See the full album.

The Prime Minister of Poland, Jarosław Kaczyński, and the President of Poland, Lech Kaczyński, are identical twin brothers.

It’s hard to imagine this type of spam ever being effective, unless, of course, you’re an “egg food” vendor:

Reply-To: lxnyan@msn.com
From: huagangsh@126.com
To:
Subject: 2007 China (Shanghai) International Meat Industry Exhibition
Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 14:01:54 +0800

2007 China (Shanghai) International Meat Industry Exhibition
Time：August, 21th-23th, 2007
Location: Shanghai Everbright Exhibition Centre (No.88 Caobao Road)
Organizers
Chinese Dish Research Society Shanghai Meat Trade Association
Shanghai Association of Refrigerated Warehouse Shanghai Professional Butchering Association
Shanghai International service Trading Co., Ltd
Scope of exhibition
● Meat food ●Egg food ● Meat and meat product ●Meat Machinery
● Butchers Machinery & Equipment ●Meat packaging Machinery & Equipment
Participation Fees
Domestic enterprises: RMB 7800 /booth（3m×3m）; RMB 780 /m2 (Raw Space)
Overseas enterprises: USD 1800 /booth（3m×3m）; USD 180 /m2 (Raw Space)
Advertisements in the Main Exhibition Hall and in Exhibition Catalog and Technical Lecture, please consult us.
Application Form
Company name: Contact person:
Tel: Fax:
Standard booth: (num.) Booths No.
Raw Space: m2 Booths fees:
Advertisement: Advertisement fees:
Total amount （Lowercase） (Capitalization):
Enterprise exhibitors fill the application form and signature with company stamp and fax or Email it to the exhibit committee, then it is effective immediately.
The exhibit fees should be transmitted to the account in one week after the booths are confirmed by the committee. And the TT certificate should be faxed to the exhibit committee for the convenience of check.

Beneficiary company: shanghai huagang exhibition service Co., Ltd
Beneficiary Account Number: 31001500912052501673
Beneficiary Bank: China Construction Bank Shanghai Branch dushi road Subbranch

Exhibition Contact Information
Address ：Room506, No.2, Lane 3758 Chunshen Road, Shanghai
Tel ：86-21- 64602848(switchboard)
Fax ：86-21-64602848-808
Contact person: Mr. Jin
Cellphone: 13818736106
Email: huagangsh@126.com

I spent an exceedingly long time on planes last week, so I had a chance to peruse the “stuff that you can buy while you’re flying that no sane person would ever buy, regardless of their elevation” magazine. This was my favorite item: The Vacunaut. It costs over $30,000, the ad has a typo, and I defy anybody to tell me, from the ad alone, what the thing actually does.

It reminds me of an episode of the Simpsons where Milhouse’s mom purchased a “jacuzzi suit.” Sadly there’s no pictures or video of the scene online.

A quick search online reveals their webpage, which I swear has to be some sort of an elaborate practical joke:

Vacunaut training utilises the unique combination of vacuum suction and exercise to also target inch loss this time from the waist and stomach.

…

Vacunaut training combines the advantages of gentle exercise and vacuum therapy to produce a highly productive method of figure sculpting. The central feature of the Vacunaut pressure suit (pictured right) is an integrated fat activation system consisting of 122 chambers that performs a gentle massage on the stomach; these chambers provide the opportunity for low and high pressure to be alternated on and around the midriff area.

It’s not only for the super rich and vaguely gullible, it’s also for European celebrities like Anna Friel and Robbie Williams:

“Vacunaut is based on the theory that fat loss is difficult around the midriff because circulation is poor there and so the body is less likely to convert and transport fat from there than elsewhere. Vacunaut is intended to counteract that problem, Rob swears by it. Most days he appears in his suit, like an eccentric spaceman, asking to be zipped up or unzipped.

My pictures from my recent trip to London are now online. Here’s a few to whet your whistle:

There’s a lot more on in the actual gallery. I’ve also finally posted all my old pictures from my previous time in London during 2001/2002.

Someone please tell me what a humped pelican crossing is.

Bob Barker isn’t sure a women would be hired to host The Price is Right now that he’s gone:

“She knows the show,” he said backstage at Friday’s Daytime Emmy Awards. “There’s no doubt in my mind she could do the show. Now, whether they want a lady host, I don’t know. I’ve never heard that discussed. As far as I know, they’ve only auditioned men.”

When you’re writing, you’ll sometimes reference something that will be discussed later in the paper as “below” or something that you’ve already discussed as “above.”  This makes a lot of sense in the computerized world where you literally do scroll up or down to get to information on previous or later pages.  It also works in an older, typewriter, sense where you’d have a stack of papers and literally have one page above the next in the stack.

I wonder if the usage grew out of this literal above/below positioning of pages, or if it grew out of the idea that words on a single page are either above or below other words and we just assumed that all words were on a single theoretical giant page?

If you send Chuck Palahnuik, author of Fight Club, a letter, he might send you a care package. People take pictures of the care packages. Chuck Palahnuik is, apparently, pretty cool.

I almost met him in Portland once, but then it didn’t happen.

Something that was striking when I moved to L.A. was that when first trying to get around, you immediately felt like you knew where you were going. After a few cross-town trips I realized that it was because I already knew all the street names. Pop culture somehow prepared me for the move. I’ve been thinking about this, and L.A. seems to top the world in terms of famous, name-recognizable streets. Here’s all that I can think of off the top of my head:

Los Angeles:
Santa Monica Boulevard
Wilshire Boulevard
Hollywood Boulevard
Sunset Boulevard
Palms Boulevard
Mulholland Drive
Vine Street
Melrose Avenue
Rodeo Drive
Venice Boulevard
Ventura Boulevard

New York:
Wall Street
Broadway
Canal Street
Park Avenue
42nd Street
Bleeker Street
Fifth Avenue
Madison Avenue

Boston:
Newbury Street

New Orleans:
Bourbon Street

Chicago:
Lakeshore Drive

Philadelphia:
South Street

San Francisco:
Castro Street
Haight Street
Lombard Street

Paris:
Champs Elysees

London:
Abbey Road
Downing Street
Oxford Street

I’m sure Los Angeles does so well because every TV show and movie is filmed and written here, so the streets just show up a lot. It’s a weird phenomenon though, where you arrive in the city and already feel like you have a vague understanding of it.

Is it just because I’m an American that I can only think of a few famous foreign streets? Do Americans somehow value streets more than non-Americans do?

We need some more famous streets.