The Worst Idea Imaginable: Clam Beer
It’s really difficult to understand the sheer awfulness of this idea. It’s an idea that clearly made it directly from someone’s idle and ill-conceived conjecture into an actual marketplace product too quickly for anyone to ring the alarm bells. It’s a combination so foul that I’ve been unable to remove it’s stink from my mouth for the past hour.
The idea is, of course, clam beer. It, of course, contains shellfish:
I went to my local non-Simpsons themed 7-Eleven in a vain attempt to buy the sold-out buzz cola. This store didn’t have what I wanted, but what it DID have was Chelada, a combination of Budweiser beer and Clamato clam juice:
“Budweiser beer with natural flavor AND certified color.” The first person to adequately explain to me what “certified” color is gets a free clam beer in the mail. Plus, the thing is huge! Check it out, a pint. But be careful:
No agite! Do not shake! I guess if you’re drinking clam beer, you really want to make sure you get a full blast of clam in every gulp. I mean, it would hardly do to buy a big old clam beer and have had all the clam component settle to the bottom… your first gulp would just be beer with no clammy goodness. How sad. What also seems kind of sad, is that apparently the Mexican community in America is a big fan of clam juice… check out the bilingual description:
“Enjoy the best of two worlds: a refreshing Budweiser and the unique flavor of Clamato. Drink a Red One!” I hope the phrase “Drink a Red One” really catches on. I’m going to start throwing it around at parties. Anyway, I spent nearly three dollars on the thing, so I had to try it. I poured myself a glass:
It’s very unsettling to look at. It’s bright red. It looks like a carbonated Hawaiian Punch or like some awful homemade grapefruit soda. But no, it’s so much worse. While it looks like the kind of sickly sweet carbonated juice that would be marketed to children, it still SMELLS like clam juice. Children don’t like clam juice. Hell, nobody likes clam juice. I just don’t understand this product. And yet, when the time came, look how happy I was to give it a shot:
And, then, of course, came the inevitable result.
Totally, completely, unbearably gross. It tastes exactly like you would think the combination of clam juice and beer would taste as soon as it even comes within vapor range of your mouth. Getting one throatful down was a challenge and it was all I was willing to manage. The rest of it quickly went down the drain with the garbage disposal churning at full blast lest some not fully pureed chunk of clam linger in my home any longer than was absolutely necessary to take these pictures.
Oh god, what an awful experience.
PS. there’s also apparently a Bud Light version and another blogger had pretty much the same experience with it as I had with the non-Light variety.
July 13th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
That shit doesn’t even deserve to be photographed in front of The Brothers Karamazov.
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July 13th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
That sounds horrific…you should have bought a whole case, for the sake of Collecting.
Why is the photo of you in front some kind of metal grate?
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July 13th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
You really had to squint to see Karamazov… were you trying to avoid looking at the clam beer?
I’m in front of a metal grate because I live in a prison.
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July 13th, 2007 at 10:41 pm
Remember my redheaded friend? When we went to the Kwik-E-Mart, she saw that and immediately wanted to buy it. Only California open container laws stopped her. She… well, she drinks bloody mary mix with no vodka in it.
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July 13th, 2007 at 10:42 pm
No comments about the world’s largest recycler?
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September 12th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
As of Sept 07 its made it as far north as Irvine.
I’m waiting for the Organic, low sodium version made
with free range (cruelty-free) clams.
One day will they have hypoallergenic genetically modified
clams so that shellfish-intolerant folks can enjoy it?
Will that be allowed to be sold in Europe? In Germany?
Is there an exemption in the Reinheitsgebot for clam drinks?
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January 7th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
I have been drinking what my buddy & I call a “San Felipe” cocktail for almost twenty years. San Felipe as in Baja California.
It consists of a beer of choice and about two to three ounces of Mott’s Clamato juice. Great stuff!!
We even tried it in panther piss advertised as beer and the beer wasn’t too bad. But this already made stuff is probably as stated,
“S H I T”.
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January 7th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
speaking of bloody mary mixes with no vodka in it. i do that… but only on airplanes. i’ve never had bloody mary mix on the ground.
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January 7th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
We here in the midwest love a beer of choice mixed with tomato juice or bloody mary mix and it’s pretty tasty, but the thought of anything ‘clammy’ in my beer, well, that’s just nasty. eeewwww.
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January 30th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I liked it , now I cant stop drinking it.. first time I taste this mix beer was at the okoberfest in texas.. mmhhhh with some lemon and a steak,, hhummmm!
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March 6th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
I would like to know if it is possible to purchase this kind of Beer in Montréal canada
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August 13th, 2008 at 8:03 am
Come on Dude! I LOVE this stuff. I can’t stop drinking it. It’s cold and spicy and refreshing. Totally Awesome.
The problem is Beer + Tomato juice/Clamato = a drink with half the alchohol of beer. Somehow the Bud Chelada still manages to be 5% alcohol. It can get on top of you pretty fast…… Especially after 3-4 of those large cans.
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August 13th, 2008 at 10:22 am
How did I miss this posting?? One question. ARE YA CRAZY?? Ok, trying out candy bars that nobody has heard of is one thing – but THIS! sheesh. With salt and lemon, no less. ewwwwww.
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August 28th, 2008 at 1:30 am
mix it yourself!!! Clam and Beer is totally awesome, especially if you control the mix ratio. Myself, I like it half and half. I’m Canadian so Canadian beer is must (any Labatt brand will do). Also, if you drink a liitle too much and tend to get tipsy a little to often, this is cutting your alcoholic content/consumption in half. Good drink, wrong way going about having it my friend. Peace!
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August 28th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Personally, I’m steering waaay clear of Farley.
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October 27th, 2008 at 11:48 am
i tried this beer/clam in mexico and iv gotta say its the worst thing iv tasted!! i mean beer and clam?? we had never even heard of it in england
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January 9th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Well I had some clamato and some beer so I decided to give it a shot and I have to say it’s alot better than what I used to do (v8 with beer). But still I still prefer Caesars as my primary source of Clamato (by the way a Canadian invention).
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February 22nd, 2009 at 12:05 am
I agree with you, but I live in North Dakota and I’m always seeing people get a bit of clam juice in their Bud Light. I don’t understand it, but I don’t understand 2/3 of the stuff people here do.
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March 31st, 2009 at 10:31 am
In Calgary,Alberta, Canada where I am from, it is quite popular. We call the Beesar a cross between Beer and a Caesar. I love them.
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March 31st, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Chelada or more properly Michelada, is a very popular drink in Mexico. However, it is usually mixed yourself, not bought in a can. Usually it has lime and chili powder too. I’m personally not a fan, but I would have to imagine the canned variety is even worse then the fresh stuff. This is sort of like the Bud with lime deal, not meant to be premixed.
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March 31st, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Certified color? The best I can guess is that is a FD&C coloring agent. The Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act regulated coloring additives to a specific set approved by the act. Granted all food sold in the USA can only use certified agents, ones in Mexico may not be limited to that set of colorings. The message on the can may be for the ease of importation, or wary customers in Mexico.
Did I win? :p
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March 31st, 2009 at 3:14 pm
my favorite bar has this. I split one with with the crew one night just to see what this possibly could taste like. i don’t think i could fully formulate an accurate sentence to describe just how terrible it was. the bartender assured us the he actually likes it and put it over ice, garnished with a lime and a splash of tabasco. never again….
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March 31st, 2009 at 3:29 pm
This drink is very famous in some places in mexico and it actually tastes very good with lime juice and some picante! Id try this version
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March 31st, 2009 at 4:38 pm
how fucking bored are you when you have nothing better do to than write about “red beer.” personally i hate red beer but many females i do know, love it. Budweiser just kept me from having me make an extra stop to buy tomato juice.
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March 31st, 2009 at 7:38 pm
its quite popular here in Southern California. Mostly because of our adjacency to Mexico. Chelada is even served in some bars. Frequently Chelada is served in a glass with celery like a Bloody Mary. Honestly the idea is not that much different than a beer shandy.
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March 31st, 2009 at 7:50 pm
dude you should have added lime juice and worchestershire sauce to that it tastes so much better, also here in mexico we don’t add so much clamato to the friggin beer just a little to turn it not bright red but kind of orangish, and we also buy the thing separately we buy beer AND clamato not the mixed shiat the stores sell
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April 1st, 2009 at 3:56 pm
It’s just a “Redeye” made with Clamato juice. The make bloody marys from it and call it a “Caeser”. Good stuff, a little bit spicy. Delicious ice cold. Yum!
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April 4th, 2009 at 8:51 am
Ugh, one of my friends loves this stuff. I don’t know how, the one sip I had was enough. Disgusting stuff.
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April 4th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Tried it, tastes like crap. The point is that this is a really nice drink when you make it yourself. I’m mexican and I can tell you its worth trying one that is not out of a can.
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April 4th, 2009 at 9:26 am
I bought one of these a couple months ago, i was hoping maybe it would be something like a bloody mary with a hint of clam.
After the first swallow the gag reflex started triggering.
I figured, hey i paid for this, gotta chug it.
I got it down.
For about 5 seconds.
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April 4th, 2009 at 9:36 am
I dunno if I could ever drink this stuff, I prefer Bloody Mary’s myself, but does anyone else notice all the ingredients seem to be geared towards aphrodisiac effect? I mean everything in it is something that enhances sex drive in one way or another.
Beer, clams and oysters have effects on both sexes, and vegetable juice has more specific effects on males. Damn this stuff is like a love potion or something, lol.
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April 4th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
you didn’t like it because u aren’t a beaner.
jackass.
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April 4th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I had that shit one time and you described it just like I would. I would rather lick a bathroom floor in a truck stop than take one drink of that shit.
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March 8th, 2010 at 12:50 pm
CHELADAS are the bomb!!! Thats why there out there… And probably thanks to one of us mexicans!!!
Arriva Parral Chihuahua
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May 5th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
Naw, this bud stuff is nasty. Make a homemade one instead, but there is a caviat, if you dont like tomato juice, you wont like this beverage.
But what is good is a Gringo Michelada!!
Take any light pilsner or lager. I like to use coors light, it tastes the best in this recipe.
One big old cold 20 oz pilsner glass, cold.
12 oz burr (thats beer for those of you not in Tejas (Texas).
1 oz tequila (optional) I like the smoky flavor and the kick
2-3 oz Motts clamato juice
1/2 lime, juiced
2 oz beef broth
sprinkle of celery salt on the rim
1 dash rooster sauce (worchestershire sauce)
mix gently, pour on ice, put your feet up, sit and freaking relax.
Clamato does not taste like clams dudes. It tastes like salty tomato juice and celery.
It adds a ridiculously good flavor to beer. We have even done it with mexican beer, like corona or modelo, tastes pretty good.
Another awesome addition is this Gringo Michelada el Pickle.
That is the above recipe, with a splash of sour pickle juice, holy crap its good.
Enjoy, and stay away from the canned stuff, bud couldnt make a good beer without tomato juice, how is adding it any better?
Try mah recipe yo!
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July 19th, 2010 at 7:49 am
I gotta tell ya rugerx’s recipe is the stuff!
The gringo Michelada el Pickle has to be the best beer tomato drink I have ever tasted. 5 stars Gringo dude.
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