US, Washington DC, Mustache Contest (2007)

One LATimes reporter has had his 1989 Toyota Camry stolen, and returned, three times. After its most recent return, he opened the trunk to find “[b]oxes of highlighter pens and ink cartridges, and a DVD copy of ‘Bruce Almighty,’ the cinematic equivalent of a 1989 Camry.”

Today’s fauxlogism is Mandle.

US, Washington DC, Anti-Protests (2007)

You know it’s opening day of baseball season in Washington DC when you’re suddenly startled by fighter jets screaming past your window. Either baseball season, or, you know, war.

I don’t remember Cleopatra 2525, but it appears to have been the worst science fiction show of all time:

“An exotic dancer, cryogenically frozen in the year 2001, is accidentaly thawed out in 2525 by two female warriors who are fighting against evil robots which have taken over the world. The three join forces and try to escape the underground caverns to which humanity has been banished, meeting up with all sorts of strange creatures along the way.”

Here’s the opening credit sequence, which, to its credit, matches the tone of the show’s plot description perfectly:

US, Washington DC, Arlington Cemetery

Professional baseball teams in Japan are split into two leagues, and one has the DH!

A journey through the soul-draining user interface of Comcast’s “On Demand” menu system and Ref. Code META 6:

Though, I admit, I didn’t really want to watch the Karate Kid.

Part of what makes reading Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace fun as an intellectual exercise is his use of obscure language. Historically I tended to simply skip past the words that I didn’t know, but that seemed somehow unsatisfying, so during my most recent reading I tried to mark all the words I couldn’t immediately define. Here now is that list of words.

When a word has an ascertainable definition, the word has been linked to it. When the word has no clear definition, either because it’s too obscure or it’s a neologism (or a fauxlogism), I’ve left it unlinked. Feel free to hypothesize as to the meanings of these words. I did not include multiple variations on the same root, as long as the second or third word’s definition would have been fairly obvious from the definition of the first. Words that I think were spelled incorrectly are marked as typos.

Pages 1 to 99:

wen, kekuléan, lapidary, mimetic, presbyopic, ideogram, creatus, cirri, pases, enfilade, espadrilles, barnwood, hypophalangial, etiology, pleurisy, caries, prescriptive, assignations, anaplastic, lyrologist, apposite, nonpareil, febrile, anfractuous, pylacteryish, benighted, élan, kismet, apocopes, meatus, pertussives, megaspansules, dipsomania, neuralgia, neoplastis, lachrymose, concupiscence, recondite, mordantly, feck, festschrift, chiaroscuro, agaric, synesthesia, deliquesce, hypocapnia, plangent, circumorals, thigmotactic, synclinal, leptosomatic, quincunx, calliopsis, plosivity, diagnate, pedentive, amaneunsis (typo: amanuensis?), uremic, pedalferrous, fulvous, quiescent, digitate, suppliants, atavistically, piebald

Pages 100 to 199:

extant, aperçu, osseously, homuncular, verisimilitude, éclat, swinishest, fingerling, aether, bafflegab, formants, fricatives, trochaically, formication, limned, facies, acromegalic, hyperkeratosistic, enuretic, torticollic, transuranial, treillage, sulci, abducent, gyrus, sulcus, serodermatotic, tabescent, chachetic, steatocryptotic, scofulodermic, steatopygiacs, subhadronics, leukodermatic, xanthodantic, pyorrheic, peronic, teratoidal, aceryulus, diaphoretic, granulomatous, lazarettes, oubliettes, kyphotic, lordotic, pulchritudinous, Actaeonizing, papuled, ergotic, varicelliformally, lycanthropically, mansard

Pages 200 to 299:

mesomorphic, arpeggio, gonfalonish, mucronate, frustum, entrepôt, otiose, greatcoat, tumbrel, imprecated, carbuncular, scopophobic, tesseract, labile, scopophiliacal, blinis, tartines, aioli, strettoing, acclivated, propitiate, apotropaic, lacuna, paroxysmic, coccyges, jonquil, cruciform, egregulous, nystagmic, deafflatusized, sedulous, anthracnose, sinecure, phylogenic, apical, attar, strabismic, cathedran

Pages 300 to 399:

neurasthenic, dysphoric, bilirubin, tumid, verbiform, saluki, jerkin, blepharoplasty, mucronate, bradyphrenic, epistemically, saguaro, bradyauxetic, dysautonomically, bradypedestrianism-wise, lordosis, rectilinear, homodontic, tangrams, eidetic, frisson, thanatoptic (typo: thanatotic?), solander, peritonitis, prognathous, onanism, apothegm, apicals, caparison, cunctations, aphasiac, etiology, breviary, toque, aigrette, agnation, effluvia, adipose, jejune, enjambment, halcyon, purled, glabrous, assuasive, hagiography, pruritis, calotte, convolved

Pages 400 to 499:

saprogenic, brillantined, catastatic, avuncular, mycological, redemisement, cuirass, miasma, votaried, suppurating, orts, nacreous, picric, morendo, hinked, ablative, twiny, tympanum, woppsed, aphonia, aphrasiac, inguinal

Pages 500 to 599:

catalepsy, anhedonia, astrolabes, prickets, styptic, escutcheon, insouciant, tulle, micological (typo: mycological), brisance, reseau, twidgelling, cathexis, cathected, esters, chuff, insousistent, skirling, crepuscular, threnody, coprolite, kalpacs, acclivity, intaglioed, anomic

Pages 600 to 699:

adtorsion, imprecating, coprolaliac, sylvan, appurtenances, swart, ruscant, stelliform, connubial, saltire, colposcope, patellar, chyme, baroquoco (portmanteau of baroque and rococo?), pericardium, thected, jape, dross, vermiform, raglan, fictile, involutional

Pages 700 to 799:

emetics, hanuman, novenas, sacristy, matins, vespers, catexic, sloe, verger, lapsarian, veronica, alacrity, sybaritically, agnate, basso, blancmange, varicoceles, swotting, maundering, mendaciously, restenosis, instantiation, lalating, parturient, synecdoche, olla, podrida, antinomically, gneiss, quoins, lintel, balsamy

Pages 800 to 899:

pizzicato, civety, perfidy, imago, strigil, acciaccatura, alembic, latrodectus, mactans, proprioception, testudo, bricolage, catalept, laertes, chronaxy, luculus, cerise, heliated, pleuritic, effulgence, brocaded, hulpil, huarache, guilloche, parotitic, liebestod, ommatophoric, synovial, ectopic, anipyretic (typo: antipyretic?)

Pages 900 to 999:

phocomelic, achondroplastic, enervated, neurasthenia, porcine, teleologic, clinamen, tessera, kenosis, askesis, prenominate, mellitus, lisle, siphuncular, inspissated, hemoptysis, ursine, fillip, gloaming, imprimatur, catadioptric, epicene, mimesis, sinciput, filigrees, finial, gambrel, étagère, delfts, hyperemic, seraglio, kyphotic, weal, piaffer, ciquatoxic (typo: ciguatoxic?), ataxia, fuliginous

Pages 1000 to 1079

redolent, quotidian, aprick, wakked, unperspicuous, xerophagy, ainsi, breviary, jaspers, solecistic, ascapartic, anapestic, bradylexia, bradyphenia, bradypnea, bradykinesia, gerontologic, hyperauxetic, parp, sallet, calpac, harquebus, escudo, shako, neurosomatic, angiomas, rhinorrhagia, blepharospecticity, ballism, hemispasms, phosphenism, sociosis, rhinophyma, phasece, delirium tremen, traversion, voluble, anaclitic, aspic, tittle, catachresis, vishnu, epithetic, creosote, communate, palliative, funiculi, gonions, uncolloped, latissimal, armamentarium, nictitater, sudoriferous, joss

If your vocabulary is larger than mine, now would be a prime opportunity to mock me.

If you’re curious about the context of any words, Amazon has the entire book online and you can search for the desired word.

Yes, this took longer than I thought it would.

I’ve upgraded my blogging software to WordPress 2.5, mainly in order to have access to newly implemented image gallery functionality. Unfortunately, the upgrade is causing some issues with paragraph layout. I haven’t yet been able to pin down the problem.

Please excuse any oddly formatted text.

1. Traveling cross country, correcting typos on public signage.
2. Turn on, tune in, drop out.
3. Ben Folds’s brilliant piece.
4. A play mocking the day in history that the world forgot what aesthetics were.
5. An airplane throwing contest.
6. To create a competing product to Coke that would satisfy the needs of Arab speakers in Europe and elsewhere for soft drinks.
7. A nerd auction.
8. An episode of Babylon 5.
9. A college’s “American Idol” ripoff.
10. Selling two spools of thread for one penny.
11. All of Einstein’s good ideas.
12. The name of an aquarium store.
13. Watermarking data files in lieu of using digital rights management.
14. Using municipal water systems to deliver bursts of laser light.
15. One of two potential titles for the seventh Harry Potter book.
16. Ellen’s Academy Awards monologue.

I’m having a hard time locating appropriate housing for the summer in Los Angeles.  Does anyone think this place is a winner?

i will be gone at least 5 to 6 weeks..offering reduced rent for the right person…vacation rental/short term i rent it out for 1,600 to 2,000 depending on the length of stay…the kind of person i need is mature non-smoking whose going to be there a lot…maybe working on writing something ..it’s quiet and you’ll hear birds and the sound of fountains…have 9 cats but they don’t use a sand box inside just go in and out they aren’t usually ever all there at the same time…what would work is a late night up early type of person..cat hours.,one of cats is old and willful but lively and will only eat human food..the other ones are easy..the other condition is that the back french door is open all the time so they can get in and out..it is safe neighborhood and all the way in the back..there is a huge avacado tree and if you like to loose the city while in it

Yikes.  If only I owned the CatBus, this place would be perfect.

US, Washington DC, Mustache Contest (2006)

Today’s fauxlogism is Stample.

Free Dr. Peppers for everyone in America!  Oh, wait, only if  Guns and Roses releases Chinese Democracy this year.  Damn.  Via Jacob Grier.

jbg wants to buy the CatBus:

I HAVE A 1995 MO’ VAN THAT GOT TRANSFORMED INTO THIS CATBUS. I BROUGHT IT TO A SHOPS AND I WAS LIKE HEY, CAN YOU TURN THIS INTO A CATBUS? SO THEY DID. THEN THAT DAY I DROVE IT HOME. THE CAT BUS ONLY HAS 50K, WHICH ARE ALL HIGHWAY MILES AS I DROVE IT TO WORK 2 DAYS A WEEK AND THAT WAS IT. IT’S IN REALLY GOOD SHAPE AND ALL THE FUR IS STILL ALL THERE. THE STEERING WHEEL HAS A CAT ON IT. IM ONLY ASKING 2900 FOR THE CATBUS BECAUSE ITS REALLY FURRY AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE GET SICK ON IT.

But it’s the picture that’s really going to sell this car:

Here’s another view.

I was watching an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and felt like I knew the actor playing an aged elementary school coach. After a few seconds I realized it was Mr. Belding from Saved by the Bell. While his fame may have grown smaller since Saved by the Bell went off the air, he himself has not:

I had no idea he was still acting; it was good to see him on internet-TV.

Also, on a quasi related note, here’s a terrifying tattoo.

I just bumped into the unpleasantly titled HotChicksWithDouchebags.com.  The pictures are amusing (especially this one) but I’m a little bit perplexed by the idea that the women in the pictures are somehow obviously less loser-y than the men.

US, Washington DC, Halloween (2006)

Last night at midnight I was biking from Woodley Park to Capitol Hill and had two notable encounters. First, at K Street and 18th there’s a big building being pulled down:

If those picture didn’t paint the scene for you, here’s a quick video of the construction in action:

Throughout the ride I had seen a significant number of cops with their sirens on zipping hither and thither. I didn’t think much of it until I got to K Street and 10th, when a cop car suddenly came flying through the intersection towards me, coming across the double yellow line into my lane. It stopped right in front of a car parked, but running, to my right. The cops jumped out and start screaming “get your hands up! get your hands up!” I swerved away from them and started to get my hands up (tricky while swerving on a bike) before I realized that they were busting the guy in the car and the prostitute he was in the middle of picking up. They might have been doing a vice night downtown… it would explain all the sirens. As I stopped to watch them bust the guy, three more police cars showed up within seconds. They must have been staking out this particular corner. It was pretty weird.

The hooker kept saying “We were just having a conversation? Is it against the law to have a conversation on K street?”

Apparently it is.

US, Washington DC, Immigration Protest

US, Washington DC, Georgetown University Law Center

I’ve always been amused by the lyrics to the Creed song “One”. It’s really transparently about affirmative action… and it’s really negative. You don’t often hear songs based on decrying affirmative action, Creed pretty much has the market cornered on this genre:

Affirmative may be justified
Take from one give to another
The goal is to be unified
Take my hand be my brother
The payment silenced the masses
Sanctified by oppression
Unity took a backseat
Sliding further into regression

…

Society blind by color
Why hold down one to raise another
Discrimination now on both sides
Seeds of hate blossom further
The world is heading for mutiny
When all we want is unity
We may rise and fall, but in the end
We meet our fate together

If you don’t recall the song, here they are doing it on Saturday Night Live.