Surprising information from the Wall Street Journal and the New York Post:

• He’s dying of cancer.
• “That ‘a bare-chested Bernie has been killing time at the prison participating in Native American religious purification ceremonies.’ The ceremonies involve ‘praying, using heated rocks to induce sweat and smoking from a ceremonial pipe.’”
• “Madoff is hanging out with a ‘homosexual posse,’ although the relationships are reportedly purely platonic, say sources.”
• “Various ‘gangs’ at the prison are trying to recruit Bernie to their crews. They’re regularly cooking sandwich wraps for him back at their cells.”
• “Madoff was quickly assigned a job in the prison’s engraving section when he first arrived, but last month he was transferred to a job painting fences.”

Also, how many fences could there really be to paint in prison? It’s not like we’re in Tom Sawyer land.

NYTimes: “Elaine Donnelly, president of the Center for Military Readiness, a group that opposes fully integrating women into the Army, said women were doing these jobs with no debate and no Congressional approval.”

Eh?

You asked for it, you got it:

Almost nowhere on Earth could you drill through to the exact opposite side of the globe and arrive on land.

I find this disappointing.

Time really shows you how to haggle, for food that’s gone bad:

At Whole Foods, the upscale organic grocer that frowns on haggling in its pristine stores, Gault scours the bacon packages in search of one whose sell-by date has come and gone. She finds one and launches into shock-and-awe mode, firing questions at the guy behind the meat counter about possible combo deals that would include an unexpired package. After some back-and-forth, Gault winds up with two $6 packages of bacon for free. In the haggling world, getting free cured meat from Whole Foods is like winning the Super Bowl by eight touchdowns. Check those packages.

What a great bargain on putrid bacon! It’s like winning the Super Bowl and finding out you really do get the free trip to Disney World, but all of the rides are broken and the entire place is staffed by zombies.

Is Whole Foods even allowed to sell expired meat? I’m calling whoever regulates supermarkets.

I love Perot Charts: