CNN: “From the first elements we have, it would be a man who’s around 50 years old, who was wearing a suit and a Borsalino-style hat, who, like any client, walked inside the jewelry store, held up employees with a handgun, was then given items displayed in the window.”

Yeah, just like any client.

Sanjay Gupta endorses the elbow bump as a new form of hygienic greeting.

From CNN: “Four people were wounded, a female, two boys and a girl.”

You know trouble’s around the corner when the Israel Defense Forces pulls out the silly hats:

Thanks CNN, very helpful.

What happens when you take a North Dakota farmer, and suddenly hand him thousands of dollars worth of oil revenue:

“You can keep going up and up and up,” he says from his home, decked out with a massive fire pit in the living room, semi-circular leather couch and bright orange shag carpet.

He had worked on the home for more than 40 years. Now, he’s expanding it — just because he can.

Oh, and there’s a slideshow depicting the above described living room:

Said “North Dakota is the place you ought to be”
So they loaded up the truck and moved to North.
Dakota, that is.

Well known angry curmudgeon Jack Cafferty asks “how to survive the presidential campaign?” This being the first election in recent memory where both candidates stand an arguable chance of not living through their term, I thought this was going to be a surprising discussion of security procedures and healthy eating.

It wasn’t.

It was just a setup for a discussion of how it is possible for those of us watching the campaign on TV to be able to stand it. Is it really so hard to watch and read news coverage of a campaign? And isn’t it perfectly easy to opt out if you’re not interested? Not that what I thought the other topic was a good one, but it certainly would have been more interesting than this.

67 86 responses to a four word post with a misspelled title is weird.

CNN has added a ridiculous new feature which allows you buy t-shirts printed with current headlines. Exciting, right? Well, what’s even better is that the system is based on easy alterable URLs, so instead of a shirt that says ‘Hips Don’t Lie’ Singer Pushes Education (a shirt that I’m sure you all wanted to buy), a quick change to the URL produces this:

Want to make your own? Just insert your own text into the following line of code, using %20 as a space:

http://www.cnn.com/tshirt/?headline=INSERT%20TEXT%20HERE &date=1208818653000&hash=4064bc5a5b643b3a01c4dfc651c1f538 &return_uri=http://www.cnn.com/video/%23/video/world/2008/04/21/verjee.shakira.int.cnn

So now you too can have official CNN brand t-shirts that say Watch FoxNews or We’re Know Where Osama Bin Laden Is And We’re Not Telling or Larry King is Boring even the the blunt Fuck Lou Dobbs. Ok, one more, CNN Reads RumorsDaily.

Ok, now go hack up your own. What’s your favorite?

CNN’s solution to an unfulfilling sexual marital relationship — gender stereotypes!

Try traditional gender roles: Men may become more sexually assertive if they feel more in control, and women may feel more desire for a mate with newfound machismo. “You don’t have to get his slippers,” explains Berman. “You just have to give him some control.” She suggests a date where the man chooses everything — her clothes, the restaurant, the food — as a starting point.

A return to the ’50s can solve every problem.

CNN reports on recent Serbian rioting:

“We are collecting evidence and are identifying the culprits,” Slobodan Radovanovic said in a statement, according to The Associated Press.

Serbia’s Kosovo minister Slobodan Samardzic said Saturday that the U.S. — which backed Kosovo’s breakaway and was among the first countries to recognize its seccession — was the “main culprit” for the violence, AP reported.

…Thursday’s violence in Belgrade was some of the worst unrest in Serbia since the removal of strongman Slobodan Milosevic in 2000.

Is there anybody in Serbia not named Slobodan? I kind of assumed it would fade out of public life, like Adolf.

JuicyCampus is what the old RumorsDaily and its forums could have been. I’m glad I got out of the business.

Everywhere you look today there’s a story about how Obama’s huge victory in South Carolina “transcended race” or how voters were “not swayed by racial politics.” Maybe those people are looking at different exit poll numbers than I am, because when Obama takes in 80% of the black vote and comes in last in the white vote he didn’t transcend race — he was lofted to victory almost exclusively ON race.

Now that race has become an issue (which it wasn’t in Iowa), I’m curious how he’s going to play in white America.  Could this sweeping victory actually be Barack Obama’s campaign’s death knell?

The Wall Street Journal ran a piece today speculating that Lou Dobbs might run for President on a third party ticket. They accompanied the story with a stipple drawing of Lou Dobbs that I’m fairly certain was traced from an old Newt Gingrinch image. I found the idea compellingly train wreck-y and was excited to see Lou Dobbs responding to the speculation on CNN’s Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer.

Here’s Lou Dobbs discussing whether he’ll run for President in 2008. I filmed this with my digital camera so the sound and video quality are poor (turn up your speakers).

Does CNN think that Bobby Knight is mentally ill?

Whenever CNN runs a sidebar like this:

I always wish they were really running one like this:

It’s their own fault for making the headline ambiguous… is Miles O’Brien speaking on (about) the shuttle landing, or is he physically on the shuttle landing? A clearer statement would remove the Miles O’Brien or Miles O’Brien uncertainty.