It’s really difficult to understand the sheer awfulness of this idea. It’s an idea that clearly made it directly from someone’s idle and ill-conceived conjecture into an actual marketplace product too quickly for anyone to ring the alarm bells. It’s a combination so foul that I’ve been unable to remove it’s stink from my mouth for the past hour.
The idea is, of course, clam beer. It, of course, contains shellfish:
I went to my local non-Simpsons themed 7-Eleven in a vain attempt to buy the sold-out buzz cola. This store didn’t have what I wanted, but what it DID have was Chelada, a combination of Budweiser beer and Clamato clam juice:
“Budweiser beer with natural flavor AND certified color.” The first person to adequately explain to me what “certified” color is gets a free clam beer in the mail. Plus, the thing is huge! Check it out, a pint. But be careful:
No agite! Do not shake! I guess if you’re drinking clam beer, you really want to make sure you get a full blast of clam in every gulp. I mean, it would hardly do to buy a big old clam beer and have had all the clam component settle to the bottom… your first gulp would just be beer with no clammy goodness. How sad. What also seems kind of sad, is that apparently the Mexican community in America is a big fan of clam juice… check out the bilingual description:
“Enjoy the best of two worlds: a refreshing Budweiser and the unique flavor of Clamato. Drink a Red One!” I hope the phrase “Drink a Red One” really catches on. I’m going to start throwing it around at parties. Anyway, I spent nearly three dollars on the thing, so I had to try it. I poured myself a glass:
It’s very unsettling to look at. It’s bright red. It looks like a carbonated Hawaiian Punch or like some awful homemade grapefruit soda. But no, it’s so much worse. While it looks like the kind of sickly sweet carbonated juice that would be marketed to children, it still SMELLS like clam juice. Children don’t like clam juice. Hell, nobody likes clam juice. I just don’t understand this product. And yet, when the time came, look how happy I was to give it a shot:
And, then, of course, came the inevitable result.
Totally, completely, unbearably gross. It tastes exactly like you would think the combination of clam juice and beer would taste as soon as it even comes within vapor range of your mouth. Getting one throatful down was a challenge and it was all I was willing to manage. The rest of it quickly went down the drain with the garbage disposal churning at full blast lest some not fully pureed chunk of clam linger in my home any longer than was absolutely necessary to take these pictures.
Oh god, what an awful experience.
PS. there’s also apparently a Bud Light version and another blogger had pretty much the same experience with it as I had with the non-Light variety.
Hillary Clinton, 
