Newsweek’s high school ratings for my high school:

2009 – 241
2008 – 223
2007 – 137
2006 – 126
2005 – 130
2003 – 197

We’re going the wrong way.

Ever wonder what neighborhood in Los Angeles is most similar to your favorite neighborhood in New York City? Well, according to some real estate agents, here’s the answer:

* SoHo is like Pico/Robertson, Silver Lake, Central City East, Los Feliz
* Harlem is like El Sereno, Lincoln Heights, West Adams, Cypress Park
* Morningside Heights is like El Sereno, West Adams, Cypress Park, Lincoln Heights
* Yorkville is like West Adams, Cypress Park, El Sereno, Lincoln Heights
* East Village is like South Park, Los Feliz, Silver Lake, Palms
* Upper West Side is like Pico/Robertson, Leiment Park, Mar Vista, Mount Washington
* Financial District is like Pico/Robertson, Central City East, Palms, Silver Lake
* Garment District is like Palms, Mid City West, Los Feliz, South Park
* Gramercy is like Westwood, Mid City West, Los Feliz, South Park
* Midtown is like Westwood, Civic Center/Little Tokyo, Hollywood Hills, Mid City West
* Little Italy is like Atwater Village, Leiment Park, Mount Washington, Central City East
* Central Park is like Pico/Robertson, Leiment Park, Crenshaw, Mount Washington
* Upper East Side is like Leiment Park, Westwood, Pico/Robertson, Central City East
* Washington Heights is like Boyle Heights, Southeast Los Angeles, Cypress Park, Jefferson Park
* Chelsea is like Mid City West, Los Feliz, Hollywood Hills, Silver Lake
* Chinatown is like South Los Angeles, Jefferson Park, Chinatown, Chinatown
* Clinton is like Mid City West, Westwood, Silver Lake, Los Feliz
* Greenwich Village is like Los Feliz, Mid City West, Hollywood Hills, South Park
* West Village is like Hollywood Hills, Los Feliz, Mid City West, Westwood
* Lower East Side is like Jefferson Park, South Los Angeles, Chinatown, Cypress Park
* Murray Hill is like Westwood, Mid City West, New Downtown, Downtown
* Hamilton Heights is like Boyle Heights, Cypress Park, Southeast Los Angeles, West Adams
* North Sutton Area is like Brentwood, Beverly Glen, Crenshaw, Westwood
* Carnegie Hill is like Cypress Park, Lakeview Terrace, Chinatown, Eagle Rock
* Battery Park is like Central City East, Leiment Park, Pico/Robertson, Atwater Village
* Tribeca is like Jefferson Park, South Los Angeles, Glassell Park, Chinatown
* Inwood is like Boyle Heights, Hyde Park, Jefferson Park, Southeast Los Angeles
* East Harlem is like Central City, Lincoln Heights, Southeast Los Angeles, West Adams
* Rosebank is like New Downtown, Porter Ranch, Wholesale District/Skid Row, Boyle Heights

My neighborhood of Palms is most similar to the Garment District. But not THAT Garment District, the other one.

Via L.A. Land.

The LA Times railed against the stupidity of undecided voters (as well as discussing their perceived central role in American politics) in a recent opinion piece. As a potentially undecided voter, it’s videos like the ones below that make me want to vote for nobody. The first, from Drudge, is a McCain supporters’ march through Manhattan being heckled by Obama supporters. The second, from Cynical-C, is a line of ignorant McCain supporters waiting to get into a rally in Pennsylvania. Both sides display an extreme lack of decency and have turned politics into demagoguery. It’s sad.

Maybe I’ll vote for Bob Barr.

People taking BarBri in New York got some sort of emailed, online fortune cookies to lift their spirits. California BarBri sent me a reminder to return my books which did not in any way lift my spirits. I felt left out, so I made my own Bar fortune, using the standard technique of adding “on the bar exam” to the end of a traditional fortune cookie fortune:

Sorry, that was not a particularly interesting video for anybody.

The town I grew up in was swindled (via the vagaries of bankruptcy law) out of one $322,000 firetruck. And they’re not happy:

from Irvington Village News <———@———-.com>
reply-to ———@———-.com
date Tue, Jul 22, 2008 at 1:13 PM
subject Trustee Pat Ryan resigns from Village Board

At a meeting of Irvington Board of Trustees held July 21, 2008, Trustee Pat Ryan resigned from the Board. Mayor Erin Malloy thanked Trustee Ryan for her service to the Village and for being a “terrific colleague and terrific running mate.” Trustee Ryan was first elected as Trustee in 2006 and in her second term after winning re-election in March 2008.

In announcing her resignation, Ms. Ryan cited that “there is a decision before the Board that is very complicated and very difficult — It is a decision that I believe I cannot support.” Ms. Ryan was concerned that the Board’s decision to seek recovery of the lost fire truck funds from a fidelity bond held by the Village on behalf of former Clerk/Treasurer Edward Ritter could have personal financial impacts on Mr. Ritter.

Mayor Malloy, it’s worth noting, was the coin-toss loser of the exciting mayoral election of 2005 that ended in an exact tie. She actually had one more vote, but after a lengthy court battle a sealed ballot cast by one of her supporters was thrown out.   She won in 2007.

My home town’s politics are fantastic!

A fantastic story: A fashion designer who dislikes Obama because he think’s Obama is a Muslim sells a t-shirt that reads “Obama is my slave” to a grad student who thinks it’s a good idea to wear this t-shirt out and about in New York City.  The grad student is, unsurprisingly, assaulted by a group of angry New York denizens, then sues the fashion designer.

I can’t figure out who I like least in this story, the xenophobic fashion designer, the foolishly short-sighted and litigious grad student, or the violent street people?

The bizarre local economy created by the Chinatown bus. Via Neatorama.

Who will be Staten Island’s next Congressman, Gary Francis, Sr., Republican, or Gary Francis, Jr., Libertarian? No word on any relation to the OTHER Gary Francis. Via Electoral-College and the Daily Irrelevant.

Either the New York Times headline writers and photo editors have lost their minds, or the Catholic church is in much worse trouble than I thought:

Thanks jbg.

BarBri is expensive: joining BarBri can cost over $3,000, just trying to snag the books on eBay can cost you over $700. Yesterday at lunchtime the books for this summer’s New York bar exam arrived at Georgetown and by 7:30pm they were already being put to effective use:

Yes, the box is full of books. Click to big-ify.

I know ONE door that’s going to be passing the bar.

An oil trader demonstrates the hand signals used on the floor of the New York Mercantile Exchange. I really like the signal for gasoline. Bonus points: the trader’s last name is Carbone. Via Reddit.

Irvington, NY is apparently being overrun by Orthodox Jews!

Last Elliot Spitzer thing, I swear. The Macon Music, a minor league baseball team, will be holding Elliot Spitzer Night and will feature the following promotions:

1. The Music have extended an invitation for former New York Governor Spitzer to be on hand and throw out the first pitch
2. The team will give away a New York Vacation including a one night stay at the MayFlower Hotel
3. Client #9 (or fan #9) will receive a free Music prize pack
4. Any fan with the name Eliot, Spitzer, or “Kristen” along with any fan from New York will receive $1 off admission
5. The Music will play Frank Sinatra music throughout the evening in honor of New York
6. Wire Taps will be placed throughout the ballpark this evening
7. ATMs will be available for cash withdrawals not to exceed $5,000 per hour
8. Any fan who has resigned their position will be given $1 off admission
9. The 871 fan will receive a gift certificate for the Macon Music Team store.

Someone should probably tell them that the Mayflower Hotel is in DC, not New York.

US, Irvington, House Fire

US, Irvington, House

Nicholson Baker wrote two pieces for the New York Review of Books in 1993/1994, then took 14 years off, and then wrote a third piece.  He also has an awesome caricature.  I want to be him.

Corn Mo reprises his role as a werewolf Benjamin Franklin for Valentine’s Day. I wish I lived in New York.

After a lengthy knifemaker hiatus, the series returns with our sixth member of the 1981 Knifemakers Guild Directory: John (Mike) Bassney. John (Mike)’s picture looks something of a cross between John C. Reilly and Tom Selleck — in other words, like a totally awesome knifemaker. This is really our first knifemaker whose picture looks like someone I would want making my knife. He doesn’t look like a cowboy, or a family man, or a terror, he looks like the sort of guy who would take your knife order and just get right down to business. He’s even wearing what I presume to be a knifemaking apron. This guy would have gotten my business… if I would have ever ordered a custom made knife in 1981 in the greater Wisconsin region.

Something else great about John (Mike) — according to his bio, he went to SUNY Buffalo, graduated, and then moved to Wisconsin. Why is that great you ask? Well, I’m not sure, but I think this is our first confirmed college graduate knifemaker, which is something.

His motto is “I simply wish to make the best knife I can with the material available and at the same time work in line with the customer’s wishes.” That’s modern business-speak. He’s like a corporate executive. I love this guy.

John (Mike) Bassney today

Sadly John (Mike) Bassney is no longer a member of the Knifemakers Guild according to their member list. He was only a probationary member in 1981, so maybe he didn’t make the cut, or maybe he simply let his membership lapse. He might have lost interest in knifemaking altogether, it’s hard to know.

The Google record on Mr. Bassney is quite slim. John (Mike) Bassney turns up nothing that I didn’t write myself, John Bassney is likewise unhelpful.

Mike Bassney, though, does provide us with three hits. He apparently went to Painted Post High School in Painted Post, New York from 1958 to 1962. That would line up well with him graduating from SUNY Buffalo in 1968, so this is probably him. This guy thought he taught shop in Michigan during the 1970s (possible, since he ended up in Wisconsin by 1981). He still appears to live in Lodi, Wisconsin, and he has a job at a local Subway in Columbus, Wisconsin. He’s the host.

Knowing about his knife proclivities, I can surely say that this is one Subway I would never rob.

Previous knifemaker: Scott Barry
Next knifemaker: Pierce Franklin Beck, Jr.

Other 1981 Knifemaker’s Guild Directory Pages: first page, all pages, all pictures.

After a while, I can judge within a few seconds either way just how much laughter we can get. Sometimes, I’m dead wrong. In Silent Movie, there was a sequence that no one will ever see; it’s on the cutting room floor. The sequence is called “Lobsters in New York.” It starts with a shot of a neon sign that reads “Chez Lobster.” The camera drops down to restaurant doors and pulls back. The doors open, the camera goes inside, and we see greeting us a huge well-dressed lobster with claws and tails; around the camera come two other very well-dressed lobsters in evening clothes. The maitre d’ lobster leads them to a waiter lobster in a white jacket, who leads them to a table. They order, then follow the waiter lobster to a huge tank. In the tank, little people are swimming around. We thought this was hysterical. The lobsters choose some people, pick them up squirming around, and the sequence ends. Every time we saw this sequence, we were on the floor laughing. When we showed it to an audience… they did not laugh at all at “Lobsters in New York.” They stared at each other. Not one snicker. Finally we got some embarrassed sounds and yawns. We threw out the entire sequence as a result.

“My Movies: The Collision of Art and Money” by Mel Brooks, excerpted from The Movie Business Book by Jason Squire, ed. (1983).

Because jbg was hassling me about football team theme songs, here’s a collection of links to most NFL teams’ theme songs (or fight songs, if you’re old-timey):

• Atlanta Falcons – Go You Falcons (lyrics)
• Arizona Cardinals – The Cardinals are Charging
• Buffalo Bills – Shout
• Carolina Panthers – Stand and Cheer
• Chicago Bears – Bear Down, Chicago Bears and of The Super Bowl Shuffle
• Cincinnati Bengals – Fear Da Tiger (fanastic!)
• Cleveland Browns – Cleveland Browns Fight Song
• Dallas Cowboys – Go Dallas Cowboys
• Denver Broncos -Broncos Fight Song (lyrics)
• Detroit Lions – Gridiron Heros (lyrics)
• Green Bay Packers – Go! You Packers! Go!
• Houston Texans – Texans Theme Song
• Indianapolis Colts – Blue Sunday
• Jacksonville Jaguars – It’s Time for Jaguars Football (lyrics)
• Kansas City Chiefs – Chiefs Fight Song (lyrics)
• Minnesota Vikings – Vikings Fight Song I (and more)
• Miami Dolphins – Can’t Touch Us (fanastic!)
  
• New England Patriots – Patriots Fantasy
• New Orleans Saints – When The Saints Go Marching In
• New York Giants – Touchdown
• New York Jets – The Jets Keep Sailing Along
• Oakland Raiders – The Oakland Raiders
• Philadelphia Eagles – Fly Eagles Fly
• Pittsburgh Steelers – Rock n Roll Steelers (and more)
• San Diego Chargers – San Diego Super Chargers
• San Francisco 49ers – We’re the 49ers
• Seattle Seahawks – ?
• St. Louis Rams – ?
• Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Yo Ho Ho We’re the Buccaneers (and more)
• Tennessee Titans – Houston Oilers Theme Song (fantastic!)
• Washington Redskins – Hail to the Redskins (actually uses the words “Rah Rah Rah”)

Technically the Houston Oilers Theme Song ISN’T really the theme song for the Tennessee Titans, but it’s awesome. For the rest, I just scavenged around and grabbed what seemed right. Any changes can be recommended in the comments.

Links for the Chargers, the Patriots and the Redskins courtesy of jbg.

This NY Times story on Iraq War Vets discusses how they haven’t all re-adjusted to life at home:

Matthew knew he shouldn’t be taking his AK-47 to the 7-Eleven.

Yikes.

The Writers Guild has announced where they’ll be picketing tomorrow in LA and New York. I wish I was still in LA, I love protests.

$4 drop fee plus $0.25 per 1/6th mile. This rate is comparatively high (see New York, Boston, Philadelphia, Chicago). In fact the initial drop fee will be higher in DC than any other major urban area in the country. Metroblogging takes a look at the new rates and finds that most trips will be more expensive for passengers.

I’m not sure the protests are going to win much support among the general ridership with rates like these.

From Jews who hate Jews, to New Yorkers who hate noise: Henry Bean, the director of the fascinating The Believer about a Jewish neo-Nazi, has completed his second film, Noise, about a New Yorker (Tim Robbins) who can’t stand car alarms and dons vigilante gear to silence them. The story is based on the director’s own younger antics.

For someone who hates the consistently barking dog across the street from my house, this trailer makes me feel somewhat giddy.

A “slideshow” of unusual deaths.  Most are dull, but some, like Tennessee Williams’s, are intriguing:

Playwright Tennessee Williams was using nose spray in his New York City hotel room in 1983, when the bottle cap accidentally fell into his mouth. He choked to death.