Sylvester Stallone explains the three seashells from Demolition Man:

OK, this may be bordering on the grotesque, but the way it was explained to me by the writer is you hold two seashells like chopsticks, pull gently and scrape what’s left with the third. You asked for it…. Be careful what you ask for, sorry.

Now you know.

I-Mockery draws up a handy explanatory graphic (featured to the right) to make this clearer than it needs to be.  Click to enlarge a disturbing vision of our future. (Mildly NSFW).

A fellow bar taker today pointed out that during his post-study TV watching, he found himself laughing like a giddy child a jokes he probably wouldn’t normally enjoy quite so ebulliently. I notice myself doing the same thing, so I warn that my sense of humor may be totally off at this point. In addition, this video is about the law, so who the hell knows if it’s even the least bit entertaining.

Oh, by the way, that had some NSFW language. Sorry about that.

This hypnotic video of girls on MySpace reciting their friend ID numbers to verify their identities is like the modern version of the Numbers Stations.

Unlike the much classier list of 1,0001 Movies You Must See Before You Die posted by CrazyMonk, Wikipedia provides a list of mainstream films featuring unsimulated sex. I’ve seen none, though I did at one point have an acquaintance who owned a copy of Alice in Wonderland (A Musical Porno) and I was scheduled to, but ultimately did not, see Shortbus.

UPDATE: I actually own Pink Flamingos, but haven’t gotten around to watching it yet.

Can “Very Sexy” ever really be listed as a “Product Feature”? (Amazon, but surprisingly close to NSFW)

JapanesePornMusement. (NSFW)

Erin Esurance is my favorite television commercial character. I can explain neither why I have a favorite television commercial character, nor why it should be Erin Esurance.  Hypnosis may be involved.

Here are some interesting points of note about Erin Esurance:

1. She has a blog (though it doesn’t have an RSS feed so tracking it is difficult).
2. She is voiced by Mo Mellady which just has to be a stage name, right? It really should be the stage name of a brassy R&B singer (or a hard core rapper), but I guess that would be too much to ask for.
3. Doing a Google Image Search for Erin Esurance is… troubling (NSFW) .  Rule 34 of course applies.
4. They’re animated by GhostBot, who are kind enough to occasionally post step-by-step explanations of how such things get done.
5. She’s all over YouTube.

I can’t explain why I put this post together.  I promise, I’m as troubled by it as you are.

Tonight I watched The Confederate States of America, a documentary about the Americas set in an alternate universe where the South won the Civil War. It’s a deeply flawed movie in both concept and execution and includes some of the worst acting I’ve seen in a quasi-major motion picture. Where’s Spike Lee when we need him?  This sort of thing is his bread and butter?

However, intermixed among the bad acting, bizarre/pointless story and corny effects was the occasional gem, including this DW Griffith version of Abraham Lincoln’s attempted escape to Canada, in blackface, next to Harriet Tubman on the underground railroad. Beware, it’s pretty racist and hence probably NSFW:

YouTube also has a collection of racist alternative universe commercials used in the movie.

This is my first crack uploading anything to DailyMotion since my spat with YouTube, let me know if anything’s amiss.

Lustlab Ad of the Week provides a snazzy illustration of one personal ad each week.  Because the personals are coming from an alternative weekly paper, the illustrations tend towards the risque.  Potentially NSFW.

Someone asked one of my YouTube alter-egos “what was that song called about shooting a snake in the face?” The answer was M.F. Snakes on a M.F. Plane (lyrics NSFW) by Karate Monkey Death Car which I posted a year ago on another blog. What a great song.

Nintendo has decided to go for the often untapped incest demographic in its newest New Zealand ad campaign.  They also like swearing.

Via adfreak and Ads of the World.

My last post mentioned DC’s recent anti-globalization protests.  Here’s a flickr photo set showing some of the protesters in states of undress.  I’m not really sure this is productive.  Links NSFW.

Via a comment at Metroblogging.

These guys and their book totally rip off these guys and their book. All links potentially NSFW.