The Washington National’s have a daily Presidents Race featuring George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson and a hapless Teddy Roosevelt. Poor Teddy Roosevelt has lost every race, over 200 so far, often in surprisings ways. One of my personal favorites was when he was the first to horizontally reach the finish line, but somehow managed to be off by 100 vertical feet. ESPN recently interviewed Teddy Roosevelt about his misfortunes.

The Nippon Ham Fighters are my new favorite baseball team.  Do you think they fight with ham, or against ham?

Let the ham beware!

Someone plays professional slamball! He doesn’t sound like a great guy… but slamball! Via jbg.

Because Troeltsch got me thinking about Scalia’s writing style, here’s a favorite bit from his dissent in PGA Tour, Inc. v. Martin:

It has been rendered the solemn duty of the Supreme Court of the United States…to decide What Is Golf. I am sure that the Framers of the Constitution, aware of the 1457 edict of King James II of Scotland prohibiting golf because it interfered with the practice of archery, fully expected that sooner or later the paths of golf and government, the law and the links, would once again cross, and that the judges of this august Court would some day have to wrestle with that age-old jurisprudential question, for which their years of study in the law have so well prepared them: Is someone riding around a golf course from shot to shot really a golfer? The answer, we learn, is yes. The Court ultimately concludes, and it will henceforth be the Law of the Land, that walking is not a “fundamental” aspect of golf.

NYTimes presents an interactive graphic detailing the best and worst foods at each of baseball’s 50 stadiums. Via Doobybrain.

Back-to-back foul balls caught by Dodgers fans sitting side-by-side.

The new Nationals theme song is really, really bad. Via Metroblogging and Why I Hate DC.

Papelbon used a butt double. Via Adfreak.

Sure, Barack Obama may have bowled like something of a priss, but at least he knew to put his fingers in the ball’s holes:

The results of holding the bowling ball as if it were a shotput are predictable.

Improv Everywhere, a paradox: the more professional their stunts get, the less impressive they seem. See, e.g., Best Game Ever.

Why doesn’t Google Maps give me the option to see a foreign map labeled with latin-based characters? This map doesn’t help me (though it is good to know that I’m still able to find a nearby 7-Eleven).

You know it’s opening day of baseball season in Washington DC when you’re suddenly startled by fighter jets screaming past your window. Either baseball season, or, you know, war.

I stumbled across this blurb about Chicago Cubs player Mark DeRosa’s recent woes and was amused by how pitiful he sounds:

MLB.com reports Cubs 2B Mark DeRosa was scratched from Wednesday’s spring game because of sinusitis. It is not the first ailment DeRosa has dealt with this spring. “First, I have heart surgery,” said DeRosa, who underwent a procedure in Chicago to correct an irregular heartbeat. “Then, I get the flu. Now I have sinusitis.” And his problems haven’t stopped there. “A rock hit my wife’s windshield, busted,” he said. “We’re packing yesterday, and she spills a bottle of water on my computer. Fried. I’m hitting .190. I need to leave this city.”

Jeez, the Cubs should take away his shoelaces and his belt.

Last Elliot Spitzer thing, I swear. The Macon Music, a minor league baseball team, will be holding Elliot Spitzer Night and will feature the following promotions:

1. The Music have extended an invitation for former New York Governor Spitzer to be on hand and throw out the first pitch
2. The team will give away a New York Vacation including a one night stay at the MayFlower Hotel
3. Client #9 (or fan #9) will receive a free Music prize pack
4. Any fan with the name Eliot, Spitzer, or “Kristen” along with any fan from New York will receive $1 off admission
5. The Music will play Frank Sinatra music throughout the evening in honor of New York
6. Wire Taps will be placed throughout the ballpark this evening
7. ATMs will be available for cash withdrawals not to exceed $5,000 per hour
8. Any fan who has resigned their position will be given $1 off admission
9. The 871 fan will receive a gift certificate for the Macon Music Team store.

Someone should probably tell them that the Mayflower Hotel is in DC, not New York.

US, Los Angeles, Dodgers (2008)

The fourth annual Puppy Bowl will not disappoint.

DC can be freaky weird sometimes:

I was afraid to go downstairs.

Because jbg was hassling me about football team theme songs, here’s a collection of links to most NFL teams’ theme songs (or fight songs, if you’re old-timey):

• Atlanta Falcons - Go You Falcons (lyrics)
• Arizona Cardinals - The Cardinals are Charging
• Buffalo Bills - Shout
• Carolina Panthers - Stand and Cheer
• Chicago Bears - Bear Down, Chicago Bears and of The Super Bowl Shuffle
• Cincinnati Bengals - Fear Da Tiger (fanastic!)
• Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Browns Fight Song
• Dallas Cowboys - Go Dallas Cowboys
• Denver Broncos -Broncos Fight Song (lyrics)
• Detroit Lions - Gridiron Heros (lyrics)
• Green Bay Packers - Go! You Packers! Go!
• Houston Texans - Texans Theme Song
• Indianapolis Colts - Blue Sunday
• Jacksonville Jaguars - It’s Time for Jaguars Football (lyrics)
• Kansas City Chiefs - Chiefs Fight Song (lyrics)
• Minnesota Vikings - Vikings Fight Song I (and more)
• Miami Dolphins - Can’t Touch Us (fanastic!)
  
• New England Patriots - Patriots Fantasy
• New Orleans Saints - When The Saints Go Marching In
• New York Giants - Touchdown
• New York Jets - The Jets Keep Sailing Along
• Oakland Raiders - The Oakland Raiders
• Philadelphia Eagles - Fly Eagles Fly
• Pittsburgh Steelers - Rock n Roll Steelers (and more)
• San Diego Chargers - San Diego Super Chargers
• San Francisco 49ers - We’re the 49ers
• Seattle Seahawks - ?
• St. Louis Rams - ?
• Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Yo Ho Ho We’re the Buccaneers (and more)
• Tennessee Titans - Houston Oilers Theme Song (fantastic!)
• Washington Redskins - Hail to the Redskins (actually uses the words “Rah Rah Rah”)

Technically the Houston Oilers Theme Song ISN’T really the theme song for the Tennessee Titans, but it’s awesome. For the rest, I just scavenged around and grabbed what seemed right. Any changes can be recommended in the comments.

Links for the Chargers, the Patriots and the Redskins courtesy of jbg.

In honor of today’s announcement that the seeming majority of major league baseball players is on some form of performance enhancing drug, here’s a great article from 2003 describing one 40 year-old cyclist/journalist who, in the name of science and with the aid of one shady sounding doctor, begins taking his own drug regiment of Human Growth Hormone, testosterone, EPO, and anabolic steroids:

My plan was simple. I would train as I always do—about 15 to 20 hours a week—while taking various supplements under Dr. Jones’s supervision. I started in January 2003. In eight months, I intended to ride the 1,225-kilometer (761-mile) Paris-Brest-Paris bicycle race, a once-every-four-years sufferfest that’s popular among amateur ultracyclists…

And?

Five months earlier, I couldn’t have imagined riding this far and feeling so strong. We finished the 1,225-kilometer ride in just under 76 hours—sleeping only twice for a few hours. The next morning, if it weren’t for my saddle sores, I could have easily done it again.

Apparently HGH is something of a wonder drug with amazing benefits (better eyesight) and no major negative side effects. Who knew? It’s the only drug the author, despite his impressive performance, was willing to consider continuing with. Anabolic steroids, on the other hand, are scary.

In honor of today’s steroids announcement, here’s the weight distribution of baseball players over the last 130 years:

I want to see a list of all 164 players who weighed over 230 pounds.  With pictures.

Troeltsch presents the following trivia question:

Five players on the 2007 Red Sox (at any point this year, not just the 25-man roster) share last names (one with a very minor change) with the 2007 Rockies. Name them. A hint: 4 of the five are hispanic (latino? whatever) names.

Knowing nothing about anything, I leave this to my few readers to figure out.

 Sources: 2007 photo, 2006 photo.

… long live Nationals Stadium.

A few years ago I saw this visual cognition experiment at a science museum and it’s been in the back of my memory ever since. I’m not sure how well it’s going to work online at YouTube quality but try to pay attention and we’ll see if it works.

Instructions - Part One: When viewing the video, try to count the total number of times that the people wearing white pass the basketball. Do not count the passes made by the people wearing black.

The remainder of the instructions are after the jump. If you’re viewing this on one page, don’t read the text below until after you’ve watched the video once.

Read more »

Mike Ditka sings what is possibly the single greatest version of Take Me Out to the Ballgame ever recorded.

Update: Now in .mp3, it’s like a podcast!